Noting that the World Health Organisation regards mental well-being as an integral part of a healthy life, Ms Fu, who is also Chairman of COMPASS, revealed that MOE is working with stakeholders including parents, teachers, counsellors and community groups to go a step further in preparing students and youth for the 'hot water' challenges they will face in life.

Parents, PSG representatives, principals and teachers packed the auditorium to learn about parenting for resilience.

Recognising and preventing emotional risks

One thrust of this effort, as detailed by Professor J. David Hawkins of the School of Social Work, University of Washington, Seattle, is the early identification of risk and behavioural factors that could signal the likelihood of mental health problems, and tackling them at adolescence. Signs that could lead to juvenile delinquency and a troubled adulthood, according to Professor Hawkins, include substance abuse, families with little discipline or parental guidance, persistent academic failure, personal depression and succumbing to peer pressure to commit wrongdoing.

Parents can insulate their children from these risk factors, he added, by carrying out a five-step social development strategy to nurture a healthy, happy child:
• First, they can create opportunities for active involvement in family life by giving their child a role in tasks such as preparing a meal, planning an outing or balancing the family budget.
• Next, parents should not frustrate a child by simply telling him to 'go do' something. Instead they could ensure that he has the tools or know-how to complete the task.
• Third, parents should give credit where it's due by acknowledging positive efforts, even if the child's overall achievement may have fallen short of expectations. For instance, improved performance in class should be recognised and this could serve as an opportunity for the parent to discuss and learn where the child needs more help.
• The fourth step entails strengthening the bonds between the child and other family members to build mutual trust and confidence.
• Finally, parents should praise their children's efforts in subjects they are weak at; this would encourage them to try harder and develop a sense of commitment to a difficult task.

Prof Hawkins reminded parents to take it slow when helping kids close the distance between where they are now and their goals.

Be clear, consistent and fair

Pointing out that with children, messages and values are effectively "caught" by the children rather than "taught", Professor Hawkins reminded parents to be consistent and fair in the way they relate to their children. Depending on the maturity of the child, he sees value in establishing and reinforcing clear and consistent guidelines in areas such as curfews, domestic duties, unacceptable behaviour at home and in school, and school grades. Parents could involve the child in the making of house rules; a child who had a role in drawing up the rule book would more readily accept the consequences or penalties for breaking the rules.

Parents have a role as well in keeping their children out of trouble. Professor Hawkins offered a toolkit of questions a child could ask if he suspects his friends are leading him astray:

"Why are we going there?"
"What are we going to do there?"
"Are we going to steal something?"

He advises parents to arm their children with firm responses to resist peer influence without appearing hostile:

"My mum will give me a hard time if I did that."
"I'd lose my mobile phone privileges if I did this. I don't want that to happen."
"Why don't we go play basketball instead?"
"I'm going to the library. Why don't you join me?"

On the home front, Professor Hawkins reminded parents not to lose their temper or raise their voice when confronting a child for misbehaving. Leading by example and using reason rather than rage would make a child more receptive to one's concerns. Conflicts should be resolved calmly and objectively so that family bonds are not affected. "Remember, the child is watching and learning from what you say and do," he stressed.

In part 2 of Schoolbag's report on Parenting for Resilience, Mental Health Counsellor Dr Josephine Kim shares the importance of providing balanced care and love so that children can develop resilience.